


Soft-spoken

by fleurbailius



Category: Pocket Monsters: X & Y | Pokemon X & Y Versions
Genre: F/M, lacewood, lacewood shipping
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-17
Updated: 2016-03-25
Packaged: 2018-01-12 21:25:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1201237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fleurbailius/pseuds/fleurbailius
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Serena has a crush and is unable to cope with the reality of it. But little does she know her feelings are requited.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A one shot I've decided to use as practice for a much bigger project that gets slightly violent and really sappy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One little thread

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing fanfiction and while I think it's mediocre, I hope you find the ability to enjoy!
> 
> P.S. As for their ages, my estimate is Serena would be about nineteen, having trained and battled for two years before earning the "Champion" title. The Professor is claimed to be the youngest professor of all games so in this story he is only ten years older than his trainers.

Something was wrong.

  
My heart fluttered about ten thousand miles per minute as I rushed myself through three sets of doors. I didn't know where I was until I heard a sink and a pair of high heels march off to whatever business their wearer went to pursue. My legs collapsed beneath me and I retired to the dirty tile floor, enclosed in walls that seemed to move closer and closer.

  
I started to panic, trapped like that. I was shaking and weak.

  
Thoughts amassed in every corner of my mind and my breathing was panicked and short.

  
 _This is wrong. I am sick. I am mentally ill. This is wrong. I am wrong. My thoughts are wrong. Please stop. Wrong. Sick. Demented. Twisted. Futile. Disgusting. Ill. Perverted. Sick. Wrong. Wrong wrong wrong. WRONG!_

  
I took a deep inhale as I sat crouched in the corner of some stall in the ladies' room.

  
 _Breathe._

  
I tried to remove my clenched fingers from the knot in my hair but they wouldn't move. My whole body had gone on shutdown as tears started to make their bastardly ways down down down. Each one hit my skin and stung like a needle piercing the flesh.

  
 _What happened again. Why am I sitting here curled up as if to die._

  
Oh I recall...

  
I had kissed his cheek.

  
A simple gesture of goodbye to him was a panic attack to me.

  
 _Breathe._

  
I inhaled too sharply and a fit of coughs forced me from my comfortable toilet palace. I made my way over to the double sink and turned the cold tap on high, coughing and sputtering. All too eagerly I drowned in the water, taking too big of gulps and having to gasp for air every few seconds.

  
 _Focus on something. Calm yourself._

  
I took a much more careful sip of the iron flavored tap water and brought my attention to the simple decorations of the room. There were two stalls, one big, one small.

  
 _Good. Breathe._

  
I exhaled deeply. The walls were a shade of light blue and the floor tiles were sterile white. Like a lab. The lab I am currently cowering in. But the blue was of the walls in mother's room back home. Safe and warm.

  
 _Breathe... but slower._

  
I relaxed my arms slightly and rested my palms on the low, white counters. Random spots of water decorated the counters sharing the space with an occassional waded up paper towel failed to be placed in the proper trash receptacle. A simple square glass vase held tacky fake roses which were meant to be white but were off by just a bit of yellow.

  
My breathing had evened and the stronger half of my mind pushed me towards the door.

  
Voices chattered on the other side.

  
"She simply ran off, I have no clue why. Serena?!" A man's voice called faintly.

  
They had been looking for me. My body was half tempted to shut down all over again. I flinched from the doorway.

  
 _Breathe. Push the handle. And breathe slower. They are looking for me, don't make them freak out._

  
"Professor I found her!"

  
The door had been thrust open before I could put my hand near its destination. A surprised and equally scared chirp erupted from my mouth.

  
"Où est-elle?"

  
"Here, Sycamore!" One of the professor's loud and bubbly assistants proceeded to point me out, grabbing onto my hand and waving gleefully.

  
 _Sophie._

  
He pranced over as flamboyantly as ever inquiring, "Ah, my champion. Did I frighten you off?"

  
"N-no professor I-"

  
"All is well then. I'll be taking my leave." The lady assistant waltzed off without a care that I was red faced and breathing heavier than any human should.

  
I stared down at the tops of my dirty black sneakers, silent and unmoving.

  
"Is there a problem, Mademoiselle?"

  
The professor's warm hand playfully rustled the hair atop my head. I tried to hide my face further as the crimson on my cheeks swelled and burnt.

  
"I just need some fresh air... and alone time."

  
"Ahaha no worries! If you need me I will be where I always am. Très bien?"

  
I nodded my head just slightly so that my face was still concealed.

  
And with that he took off. Long legged footsteps moving further and further away yet my heart still pounded.

  
 _Yes, I am sick and wrong._

  
I like Professor Sycamore.


	2. People

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serena bumps into a good friend and has to confront the source of her anxiousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very unedited but a new chapter has been necessary for far too long! I feel terrible for slacking off like I have and proudly present to you the next chapter. This story really has no direction past this point so if anyone wants to offer suggestions for a plot they'd like to see, that would be fantastic.  
> I hope you enjoy!

Chapter 2

"Serena, darling, you're running a fever!" Mom's voice crooned as she removed my scarf and coat. I stepped off the doormat after cleaning my boots and shut the door from the frigid Kalos air. Surely snow was on it's way to the small town of Vaniville.

Yveltal screeched from outside, playing happily with mom's beloved ryhorn in the center of town. He was much too big to go anywhere else. Ever since saving the magnificent beast a year ago, he had undoubtedly become closest to me out of my entire team. Chesnaught often made it known to me of his jealousy.

I let out a chilled sigh and shook were I stood in the kitchen.

"You will never feel better if you don't let yourself rest my dear," she chuckled. "How many weeks has it been again since I saw you last?"

"One."

For that snarky retort I recieved a swift slap to the back. My coughing fit started up again. Mom moved over to the kitchen counter and I evacuated into the living room.

"Oh geez, sorry. I didn't realize you were that sick!"

I slumped over into my father's old loveseat. I could hear mom busy with the pot on the stove containing something that smelled delicious.

"I had a panic attack, mom," coughs threatened to tear my esophagus in two.

She abruptly halted pouring soup into a bowl for me. All I could hear after a sudden minute of silence was the metal ladle striking the side of the pot.

"You what? Why didn't you contact me or find the professor?" She continued to hurriedly pour the soup.

I muttered indistinctly, "He was the source of the problem this time."

"Stop mumbling."

"I said it was really nothing this time. I think it's because I've worked too hard and now I'm sick."

"Do you think medicine will help?"

"Has it before?"

She handed me the searing hot bowl and a spoon.

"No, not really."

I silently stared into the chicken noodle broth. The scent of warm food and mom's lingering perfume brought me extreme amounts of comfort. Home was safe and safe was what I needed to clear my mind.

The soup did not last quickly before I requested a second bowl. And a third. The intense training and constant battle throughout the day had made me hungrier than I thought.

Mom reached over to my forehead yet again.

"You aren't as warm as before but a nice bath and some sleep should help, right?"

I nodded in agreement. That and my body odor was starting to seep. Gross.

I went upstairs to an already set up bath. I felt too old for them but I didn't tell mom otherwise. Traveling about, plenty far from home and leaving my only guardian behind. Maybe she felt the pain of losing dad all over again when I walked out the door.

There in the murky waters I contemplated a lot. It was something that I often did. Thoughts that led to unreal anxieties and panic attacks...

Adulthood so far had not been shaping itself out to be what I'd planned. I planned to train for a gym leadership and that the work would we easy. It was more intense than any other training I had done before. Every day left me drained and I spent more nights in hotel rooms alone than with my aging mother. I was going to fall in love with some boy who I'd never met and get married like my mom, but never experience the same series of events my parents had. That plan had worked out well. And then I started to think about the friends who I had so easily left behind as they fell behind my talents. Calem, Shauna, Trevor, Tierno, and Emma. All of them deserved a better friend. I was a champion but it felt like crap.

I was starting to hate nineteen. I wanted to preach to other young trainers to be realistic and go home. A title and medal weren't as great as I had thought they would be. I couldn't wish the emotional distress of my current life upon anyone else.

Pokemon training had been so easy two years ago. Now it just sucked.

Sleep didn't come easy and I spent more time crying at an empty ceiling than getting better. Mom traveled in and out of my room as I faked comatose to replace the damp rag on my forehead with freshly cooled water.

Surely enough my body finally shut itself down before the break of dawn.

Faint sunlight peered through the curtains as my eyelids came to a close.

...

I was always the first awake but as I traveled down the blue carpeted stairs at noon my mom was up and raring to go.

"I made tea and put together a thermos for your travels. I'd rather you not fly since they say light snow will be drifting in soon-"

"Who says I'm going anywhere?" I piped up.

Mom was startled by the sudden abrasiveness.

"Well, I need a letter delivered, dear. I figured since you have to train it's be best done by you. Are you feeling alright?"

"Honestly, no. Physically I'm okay but I'm mentally drained."

"A good walk should detoxify your mind," Mom planted a soft kiss on my forehead. All the years maturing had still rendered me shorter than my 5' 4" mother.

Three strong knocks on the door signaled to Calem's arrival. Six years of growing up had made him much taller, well built, and quite handsome. But my romantic intentions did not align with his. Mom separated her arms from around my shoulders and let Calem in.

"Sup, Serena. You should probably bundle up. It is quite the chilly air out there," His voice was soft and full of laughter. But it was just as broken as mine.

Calem stood there silent and holding my belongings as mom wrapped me up. I could already feel the sweat coming on. My fingers raked Calem's as I reached for my thermos. His face started to blush from affection but mine was simply red with fever.

"Go on you two. The cold air is going to turn my house to ice," Mom shooed us out with a kiss on the cheek and a pat on the back.

Yveltal awoke from chilly slumber, stretching out his spectacularly long wings across the town plaza, and obliged as I returned him to his pokeball.

The silence walked with us for awhile before Calem's soft voice trailed into my thoughts.

"Wow, I never cease to be amazed by Yveltal's attachment to you."

"Yeah," I grinned, "He does most of the work and here I am getting his undeserved love."

"Maybe he senses you need a hole filled in your heart and he strives to provide for you. Pokemon are more intuitive than the common animal."

_Am I really that lonely?_

I shook my head dejectedly and sipped hot tea from one of the containers. We had only walked for maybe twenty minutes before Calem decided talked to me, and were closer to Lumiose than I wished to be.

"So what's been up with you besides all of the crazy working your butt off?"

"Ahh, not much. I have a huge mess in my head I just can't seem to sort out."

"C'mon, tell me what's really happening."

Calem nudged me persistently, causing me to slightly spill some tea from the open container.

I stuttered but I knew Calem needed to know. He and Shauna were always there and nothing quite matched their love and persistence.

"I like someone, but I feel like something is wrong with this feeling I get around that person. I don't want to like them but I do."

"It would help if I knew who that someone was."

"No! No it wouldn't and you would be disgusted."

"Try me."

I hesitated.

"Damnit Calem it's the professor. Why do you think I was so down this morning!" I snapped unintentionally.

He stopped and stared at me.

"Wasn't that obvious?"

"Huh?"

He started to laugh uncontrollably in the middle of the forest. "You really think that wasn't obvious? Ahaha! Shauna and I both were waiting for you to admit it. Have you listened to yourself talk to him? 'Oooh professor let me just cling to every word you say professor.' That isn't bad though. He makes these eyes at you when you aren't looking. It's great."

I firmly smacked him across the head.

"Ow geez don't get mad at me!"

"It's not funny. It's sick."

"You're an adult now and he's what? Just now turning twenty something... Heck, I can even see why you like him!"

"You really aren't upset at me?"

"No," I heard regret in his voice, "I am just so happy you can admit your feelings to someone other than yourself."

He was right. No matter how little progress I had made, that was a good first step. Honesty.

"Next comes learning how to tell us when you panic, like last night."

"You knew? Nevermind, that doesn't shock me at all."

"Our mothers are closer than two peas in a pod."

"Cheese."

"Louise."

We giggled and walked on like that for twenty minutes more. He was always well. Shauna pining for Calem's affections more and more everyday. Maybe a resolution could give him the power to move on. Or I'd have to live with the guilt. I shook my head to clear the thought and clutched both warm containers. Calem sacrificed a lot for me but I would snap without him. I felt it was he who I should fall in love with rather than the professor.

The gateway to Lumiose stood like a dark path to all of my thoughts.

Yet we trudged on together. The thermos had been packed up, my guilt and Calem's regret clouding the atmosphere like the gray clouds above the Prism Tower.

It wasn't long until before us stood a four story building on the Southern Boulevard of Lumiose. The outside was beautiful, like an old victorian home meeting the modern structures, painted cream and green. This was Sycamore Labs, the place I had fled from yesterday in my panicked hysteria.

I stalled before reluctantly following Calem. Sooner or later I wold have to face my fears. I felt Calem's warm fingers intertwine with my own gloved hand and we proceeded hand in hand.

Even if it was simple, I owed him this for staying near when I faltered.

I stayed shyly behind Calem, waving to the receptionist as we headed to the elevator. The doors closed and I felt the cold sweat breaking out. I gave Calem's hand a firm squeeze before letting go altogether.

"You gonna be okay?" His smile was forced.

"I think so," I kept my gaze on his and grinned ear to ear. His eyes lit up and he lifted a thumbs up.

"Good!" The button to the third floor glowed gold before coming to an abrupt stop.

I slowly anticipated the opening of the sterile silver door. My hands rung together and bravely moved myself forward.

"Bonjour!"

And there it was. The voice I was trying to ignore. And there he was. The man I was trying to ignore. The flood of emotions and fears overwhelmed me but I moved forward, head held high.

"H-hello. I'm sorry for my discrepancy last night. I, umm, I sometimes stress myself out but it's nothing to worry about."

Lies. The fears controlled me and made my throat constrict and made me sweat and cry. The lump of air had turned itself into a rock, pushing its way slowly into my stomach and settling there eagerly.

The feeling only grew as Professor Sycamore approached me, a smile on his face.

"I'm glad you're back. I have been awaiting a letter from your mother. Do you have it?"

I fumbled shakily through my bag, sifting through six pokeballs, two silver containers, and a sketchbook. Finally, I got a hold of the slightly crumpled pink paper and handed the letter over. I thought about brushing my fingers with his, holding his hand like I held Calem's. Another unrequited love.

The panic started to rise. I took a moment to glance around the room. The carpet was a finely woven red, the walls the same rich blue as home. Gold trim accents laced the carpet and ran around the ceiling of the lab. White equipment covered in wires and stacks of paper littered the area. The same woman who had cheerfully found me yesterday worked diligently on some sort of mechanical project beyond my understanding. Here I was starting to panic yet again.

_Breathe._

I gasped for air, turning the heads of the three people in the room. I forced a rugged cough out of my lungs, hiding my frightened inhale.

"Oh mon dieu! Do you need water, dear?" I felt the professor's hand on my shoulder as he led me to the water jug in the lab space. He had called me 'dear'. I curled into a ball against the wall and let it all out. I cried and coughed, downing the water cup and cup again. Calem rushed to sit in front of me, stroking my hair and grasping my hat in his hands.

He tried so hard to comfort me and somehow I still felt uncomfortable.

"I sure hope you will be alright. Should I get a hold of your mom?" Sycamore, glanced from the opened letter to me. His eyes were coated with worry and he bit his lip.

"No," I half-heartedly smiled, turning my head away. "I've been stressed out and she knows that. I don't want her to worry any more than she has to. Besides, it's only a temporary illness."

"You are reasonably caring for your mother but she has a reason to worry. You are her daughter and the last person she has left, no?"

_Keep breathing. Steadily._

"I am so stupid." I slammed my head into the wall behind me.

Everyone was silent.

Calem fidgeted with my hat before placing it back on my head. He carefully kissed me on both cheeks and stood away.

"I should leave. Trevor and Tierno wanted to meet up with me. Besides, you'll be fine with the professor, right Serena?" I glared at him and he knew the next time we were together he was dead. His strides were nervous and short, his posture seemed to want to turn back. But he didn't. I watched as the elevator numbers went down and I kept praying for his return.

"Would you like to rest in my office? It's much more comfortable than that dirty carpet. Je pense," the professor said after a minute of silence.

I obliged. The coat and scarf I wore were starting to make me clammy and overheated. The cup in my left hand was crushed against the floor while I was helped up. He used his right hand to gently grab mine.

I stopped and felt the blush arise. My face was well enough hidden by the scarf but there was no hiding the shake of my hand. I was up in no time as Professor Sycamore carefully pulled me to my feet. It was a few paces forward to the door of his office. He opened the door and left it open for me to come in.

I saw him nod out the door to a very worried Sophie.

"Shall I take your coat?"

I shrugged, "Yeah, thanks."

"Pas de problème."

He helped me out of my heavy old jacket, his own lab coat close enough for me to catch a faint scent. Never before had the smell of cologne and cleanliness been so bothersome. I made myself barely comfortable and sat in the seat across from his desk. The frays on my skirt became incredibly distracting.

Being alone in his office has never affected you before. Why now?

"So," My thoughts were interrupted, "What happened back there?" Professor Sycamore sat down, one leg resting on the knee of the other.

My eyes widened and I just stared, mouth agape.

"I-I'm sorry?"

He brought his clenched hands to his face. "It is my responsibility to take care of you so I need to know what has you so strung out."

The confusion and frustration spoke through, "I have been working a lot and I'm exhausted okay?" I spun the chair away from his face.

I felt my weight circle back around.

He had reached across his desk to turn me back to him, his gaze stern.

"What exactly is going on? I am responsible for your mental health just as much as I am for your physical health."

I crouched and placed my head between my knees, my fists curling around my hair. The way he leaned over the desk and towered over me with his low neck line revealing all too much drove me insane. His eyes were warm though a light shade of gray that made him look stern in that moment, eyebrows furrowed in frustration. His jawline... I stopped myself and squirmed uncomfortably in the chair.

_Breathe. Please just breathe. Relax._

"I really- I really just can't tell you." My voice was almost inaudible.

He got up from his chair and knelt next to me, stroking my hair like Calem had. I felt the rock start to wither and looked over. His demeanor had completely changed, replacing frustration with genuine worry.

"Alright."

He leaned forward and kissed my forehead. A brilliant shade of red covered my face.

I love you so much please stop. You only make things more difficult.

"I really care for you, Serena. Your friends and I are just trying to help."

I didn't respond. He traveled back to his own seat, picking up a stack of papers and rifling through them.

"Well, let's talk again soon!" He smiled weakly.

I decided then to take my leave.

"That would be wonderful," I muttered feeling very alone.


	3. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the second to last chapter where resolutions are made and feelings are talked about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sadly, I figured this will be my one-shot sort of practice for my bigger, much more complicated piece that is a surprise! I really hope everyone has like this so far and can't wait to share what I have yet to come!

Chapter 3

I spent an entire week at home after the encounter. My mind raced and my heart beat never steadied. Most days were spent assisting mom with house chores or absentmindedly staring at the falling snow outside. It was a beautiful sight to behold. Soft flakes making their ways to the earth so sweetly and gently without a care where the wind blew them. Many times I found myself wishing I could accept my fate like the the snow had.

But instead I was drifted completely off course of my intended plans and that horrified me.

"I am worried about you housing yourself in like this, darling," mom confronted me at dinner one night.

I was on the end of my second bowl of spaghetti when she told me that.

"I worry about you more than myself. You are an old woman now."

"Watch yourself."

There was a knock at the door, one not belonging to Shauna or Calem. Mom struggled to get to her feet because of a happy little skitty purring away on her lap.

"Don't worry! I have it."

My footsteps were airy as I bounced across the room to the door. I opened it swiftly, a smile on my face.

"Hello, can I help-"

"Bonsoir, Serena."

My stomach twisted itself into a knot as I let in Professor Sycamore. The previous smile had exhausted itself.

"Ah, good evening, Professor! I'm so glad you could accompany us. Would you care for some food?" Mom pushed away the little skitty to make her way to the stove.

"That would be delightful." He used me to steady himself as he removed his shoes. I had almost forgotten that no matter how professional he acted, Sycamore was still clumsy as ever. I allowed myself to grin.

"I will take your coat and scarf, if you don't mind."

He gave me his 'thanks' and coat. I held his winter gear close and glided up the stairs. There I placed the heavy black coat on a hanger, but not after admiring the pleasant smell of cigarette smoke and cologne.

_He smoked?_

Maybe I wasn't as nervous as I ought to have been, and my muscles relaxed as I traveled downstairs.

The professor and mom sat in the living room laughing away.

"What did I miss this time?" I queried and sat in the empty space next to the professor. My body shook and I was a nervous wreck on the inside, but I made an attempt to be excited as ever.

"Looks like you are much better, Mademoiselle. I see your mom has taken great care of you!"

"Yeah, I suppose all it took was some downtime at home."

My mother beamed. Her crush on the professor radiated from every pore. I could only hope my intentions were a little better hidden than hers. I felt him shift anxiously next to me. I looked at the professor and he looked back. The expression he wore reminded me of every glance I stole at Calem.

I blinked away, the rose on my cheeks becoming hot.

_Calem wasn't joking._

"So what brought you here to Vaniville?" My mom pondered, her words sapped with endearment.

"Nothing much, I just came to see all is going well," Professor Sycamore placed his hand on my back for a moment before he slouched in the corner of the sofa. He crossed his legs and let out a small yawn. One hand came rest on his cheek, the other in his lap. I noticed he hadn't shaved in a while and a nice stubble had appeared. I started to chew on my cheek nervously.

"I swear you two are so close. That makes me happy and envious all at once."

Mom read my face and posture just like I did to everyone else. I believe she had caught on, her gaze resting on my shaky, entwined hands.

"Well, I should let you two talk. I have dishes to clean. Oh my goodness! I totally forgot about the food, Professor. Let me get that for you." I heard heartbreak in her voice.  
Blood started to seep from the place I had been biting in my mouth.

"Ouch!" The nerves there were pinched and I rubbed at the injured cheek in pain.

"Êtes-vous d'accord? Ah, excuse me, are you okay?"

I laughed, "I am, just a little cut. Nervous habit."

"Ah, I have one of those myself."

He must have meant smoking.

My mother brought in Professor Sycamore's food, placing it on the coffee table. She turned back to her work and I sighed. The professor started on his meal, his face letting on he probably had better spaghetti before.

"Magnifique! I should come here for supper more often."

I looked back at mom who had a toothy grin on her face from the compliment. She was getting older, forty one years of hard work showing on her face with stress wrinkles.

"It really isn't much, but I'm glad you like it. Yes, you really should come for dinner more often," my mom winked at me. I pouted at her and stuck out my tongue.

Before I knew it the professor had finished his plate and asked for another. I let skitty jump onto my lap and pet her, listening to the clang of fork to plate and the running of dishwater. It was peaceful and nice. Something I could definitely get used to.

I blushed at the thought and rested my head back on the plush cushioning.

I felt a hand brush my hair out of my face. A small chirp escaped me in fright.

"What was that for?" I hissed.

The professor shrugged, glancing up at me.

I hadn't even realized my mother standing behind me before she announced, "It is getting late, Professor. Do you have a place to stay?" She took the plate he held out to her and placed it in the sink.

"Non! I am afraid not."

"Serena, please grab a spare pillow and blanket for our guest."

"I can walk somewhere it really isn't that big of a deal, Madame."

"It's too cold to be out this late." She proceeded to carefully hit the professor on the head. It was custom in this house.

"Serena, now!"

I tripped over my own feet in the process of getting up, gaining an enthused snort from my mom. I went into my mother's room, sifting through her crowded closet for the spare quilt long given to her by dad. I felt guilty for letting someone else use it, but alas it was the only extra blanket any of us knew about. The blanket was then tied around my neck like a cape and I went flying through mom's room, the living room, and up the staircase. I heard laughter. Mission success. I tossed through my pillows, testing the most comfortable ones and choosing my favorite. The pillowcase was bright pink and covered in flower print. The earth tones from the blanket and unnatural brightness from the pillowcase were a lovely pair. I went downstairs, belongings in tow and handed them to the professor.

"I haven't seen that blanket in years," said my mother who had retired to the loveseat.

"It is the only spare we have."

"When you go back out I'll be sure to request you take some linens from that fancy hotel you work at."

"Yeah, that will go smoothly." Mom flicked me on the ear on her way getting up. She moved to her doorway.

"Please don't be up too late. I have laundry to do and bills to pay so I will make sure both of you are asleep before long." The wooden door closed behind her, light leaking from underneath.

Professor Sycamore remained seated with silent observation as my mother and I conversed. He had moved himself to the middle and set his sleeping supplies to the side.

"Sit, s'il vous plaît."

I apprehensively took what small section of couch was left to sit on.

"Tell me, what has been troubling you?"

"Huh?"

He snickered," Do not play coy, Serena. You know as well as I do that this visit was in hopes of you talking."

_Don't panic._

"I don't think it's fair for you to expect me to say anything at all!" I stood up suddenly, shoving the pillow I had clung to angrily at the professor.

_What a waste of advice._

He glared at me, tossing the weapon aside, standing to tower over me just slightly.

"Serena, you are nineteen, now act like it and talk to me. That is all I wish. You do not need to pour out your deepest secrets but let me know how I can make each day easier for you."

"Stop existing," I murmured faintly, sitting on the floor.

"Qoui? I don't understand."

I started to breathe heavy. The grief threatened to show. The professor sat carefully in front of me.

"Breathe," he said, reaching forward to hold a tense fist. His thumb stroked my white knuckles patiently.

_Breathe. Relax your shoulders. Breathe._

"Speak up, please, ma belle."

I managed to whisper through dry sobs, "I love you."

"I love you too, that is why I am here to help."

_No no no._

I wanted to scream at him. Instead, I curled into a ball in front of him, biting hard on my thumb. I heard him inhale sharply and shift in front of me.

"Serena, I love you too." His gentle hands ran atop my hair and down my cheek. He pulled me into his embrace and I let myself wrap my arms around his torso.  
We sat there for a long time on the hardwood floor, holding each other as I sniveled.

"I'm pathetic."

"Why do you put yourself down so much lately?"

I hid my face in the professor's shoulder.

"I feel like everything I've done past beating Diantha has been nothing but a screw up. I have so many dreams and I have failed to grasp a single one... I'm a huge mess."  
He pushed us away from each other, hands firmly resting on my shoulders.

"Absurdité! You are aiming for all the wrong goals. Nothing comes easy and you can't expect dreams to be perfect even when they are in your hands." He paused before adding, "Have you ever considered just talking to me when things fall apart instead of running away?"

I felt foolish and selfish.

"My panic attacks... I just want everything to stop, professor." I wanted to curl in, my arms retracting.

He held my hands in his, his lips come to rest on my forehead.

"You need to stop thinking too hard. And please, call me Augustine. You have grown up and I look at you as my equal now."

He stuttered on his words.

"You...You should go to bed. That fever could come back at any time, vous savez."

I reluctantly pushed myself away and got up. I felt Augustine's hand reach for mine as I walked away. He successfully pulled me towards him and kissed my cheeks.

"Bonsoir et bien dormir." Sleepy gray eyes glowed under those ridiculous black eyelashes.

"Thanks?"

He chuckled and grinned a horribly gorgeous grin.

I went to bed, haunted by the three meaningless kisses and entranced in cloudy eyes.


	4. Bloom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serena has a moment... Again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for abandoning this piece for so long! I wrote a new chapter so soon I will be finishing this, along with my first year at college! You're probably wondering, where's the violence? Hoo boy, just you wait ;;;w;;; I will deliver. For now, enjoy!

Weeks went by since that day.

I knew it had meant nothing. Those three kisses. The tender look in his eyes, the purr in his voice. Maybe I imagined it.

_No that was very real. You just don’t deserve him._

And there it was again. That voice.

Slowly, one by one, raindrops made a funeral procession down my cheeks as I sat in the yard grooming Yveltal’s soft coat.

“You know, buddy, this yard must be such a small cage for you compared to the sky.”

Yveltal nudged under my chin lightly and cooed. I understood how he felt.

I thought about the faint scent of cigarette smoke on the professor’s jacket. _Augustine’s_ jacket. How romantic it must be to see such a handsome man leaning from the fourth floor of his lab at night, the faint glow of a cigarette and the exhale of smoke in the air. What a typically handsome Kalosian man.

Every time he drifted into my thoughts I felt more caged.

“I feel sick…”

~

My desk was littered in letters filled with simple words of praise for my accomplishments from the professor or the occasional, “When should I expect to see you again, mademoiselle?”

Those were the ones I threw away.

The night after he came to visit me, to tie up my heart strings so far beyond my reach, he took off in the morning with only a thanks for my mother’s endearing hospitality. She blushed, of course, and pinned the letter up next to an old childhood drawing of a skitty. How I hated that damn thing. It looked like a pink wad of gum with two beady blue eyes and awful protrusions that I’m not even sure were arms.

“Skittys don’t even have eyes like that”

“Eyes like what?” I hadn’t noticed Calem arrive as I writhed in my own self-pity.

“Wide blue eyes. Skittys don’t have wide blue eyes.” I sat up, flailing my arms in exasperation.

Calem laughed. I couldn’t suppress a smile.

“Are you talking about the jigglypuff on the fridge? God, I had the wrong idea about that thing for years!”

_Thwump_

Calem laughed harder as the pillow slammed into his face, knocking him off his feet. There he lay, cackling on the ground like he used to when we were just kids.

“You know,” he sniffled,” the professor didn’t mean to offend you in any way. He had priorities, Serena. It’s called being an adult. You have them too, y’know, I mean if you actually paid any attention to them.”

I felt the crimson creep onto my cheeks.

“Did he ask you to talk to me?”

His eyes widened in panic, “Oh no, Serena! I just… you seem like you’ve gotten worse than before and I know how he came over that night. I saw his bike in the yard. I’m sorry if that was invasive. I-“

I was so naïve to believe it had been anything but Augustine’s own clumsy shenanigans and compassionate heart that led him to bike all the way here.  

“No don’t be. Thank you for checking in on me, Calem. You have a point about me abandoning my priorities. And you… Shauna… everyone really. I’ve just been so scared being so grown and so quickly. Being an adult is much lonelier than they prepare you for, no matter how many people you have looking after you. And falling in love! I’m so frightened all the time to lose anyone how mom lost dad.”

He understood perfectly by the way he shook his head.

“No need to tell me, Serena. I know you’ve been pained by that for years but you’ve also worked very hard to make him proud of you. Now it’s time to stop dwelling and just act.”

He stood up, gently placing the pillow at the end of my bed.

“Go, Serena, please. You are so much stronger than you think.”

He winked as he leaned over to place a single letter atop my pillow.

I contemplated picking the letter up as he walked downstairs, away from me, free from the cage and I trapped his heart in for far too long.

As I felt the crisp paper bend between my fingers, I noticed the simple wax ‘S’ stamped upon a little red ribbon.

I hesitated to read the text for a split moment.

_No point in hesitating anymore. It’s going to be okay._

 “Serena dearest,

                I must have left an ill impression upon you when I ran away. As the weather has gotten warmer and winter thaws away, I noticed that the flowers have started to sprout. The winter winds plagued Kalos for a few days after that, allowing no room for the new buds to bloom. Then, with a sudden burst of energy, gorgeous flowers blossomed as warm rain washed over them. I believe this is what you are experiencing. Sadly I was the winter wind treating you so harshly by playing with your feelings. How may I apologize to you? A cup of tea or maybe a pleasant afternoon walk? Either way, I need you back here. We all miss your hard work and jovial spirit here at the lab and I’m sure Calem misses his training partner as well. He can’t ever take the league if he can’t beat you! Ah, well, pardon my horrible manners for not simply dropping by but I shouldn’t be giving your mom the wrong impression. Feel better, mon amour, and visit soon.

Augustine”

 

The letter was dated yesterday.

Without wasting anytime, I pulled myself out of bed and threw on a fresh pair of pants.

“Mom! Can I borrow the bike again? And have we ever thought about investing in a second one?” I called out as I ran into the living room.

“Finally awake I see. Calem must have given you the professor’s letter,” she grinned.

“Ah, well,” I stuttered,” That’s not important right now! I’m done feeling sorry for myself and acting like a child. I’ve been very selfish so as of today I am going to live without my fears.”

“How about living with them?”

I gave a blank stare. She sighed and continued to knit.

“I live every day of my life in fear of losing you. In fear of watching my only thing left in this world be taken from me but I have no room to just stop trying. I have to keep going for myself and for the simple things in this world I would too dearly miss. Serena, you will grow apart from some people, you will see death and feel the greatest pain of loss. But I can certainly guarantee you will survive. Live it beside your anxieties and when things get too rough, take a day or two, but don’t lose yourself. You are so young and magnificent, Serena!”

Struggling for words, I twiddled my fingers and moved in for a hug

She held me close, “And don’t worry about this old woman! I’ll be here for some time yet.”

“Thanks, mom. I love you so much.”

“I love you, too”

~

Mom helped me pack my belongings for the next day.

“Are you sure this is enough?”

A backpack and duffel bag added about fifty extra pounds to my normal body weight. The heat of the sun was dulled by a soft breeze drifting by, rustling the newly budded trees and dewy grass. 

I groaned,” Mom, I’m absolutely positive! A week isn’t very long. Besides, I’ve got my twentieth to come back and celebrate!”

“Alright then.” She kissed my cheek, “Stay safe!”

I nodded.

“Calem left yesterday evening so I shouldn’t keep him waiting for too long!”

I propped up the old rusted bike while struggling to sit comfortably, lifted the kickstand and waved goodbye. Before I knew it, I had taken off without a single glance back.

_No regrets this time._


End file.
